Looking for arms to steal

These past few days the crave for a pair of arms to crawl into has gotten bigger and bigger. A pair of arms that would make me feel safe and where I could just stop listening to others and myself for a while.

I just want to rest. Close my eyes for a little while and pretend the world out there doesn't exist. Or exists in a better universe. Be somewhere where no one demands things from me, where I don't have to feel quilty for not sympathising or thinking "You started it, I can't feel sorry for you if it's making your life difficult".

I don't know what's expected of me. Am I expected to be on her side 100% even though I disapprove of the things she's done? Just because I'm the sister?

I just tried to be non-partial for a minute or two and it feels like I got shit back for it. Maybe I hit a nerv. Maybe we're too different for us to be able to discuss it. Maybe I don't know her well enough, because knowing her that well would mean knowing things I don't want to know.

Or maybe I'm just a sucker for supporting the underdogs more? And she's not the underdog. Maybe I see our mum too much in her and that makes me want to rebel?

28 days left. 28 days too many. I want to escape now.