Stalker.com

So I can be found on match.com. No big deal. I've met a few nice people and one weird.

I started emailing with a guy, in his early thirties. I didn't log on for a few days, he had sent two emails by the time I logged on again, I didn't reply, that same day he sent a third one. I logged on a few days later, didn't reply (because it was getting creepy), he sent a fourth email. I didn't log on for at least a week, when I did I still wasn't interested in replying so I didn't.

Today, I've got a fifth email from him. I think he definitely can be classified as a stalker now. He said I owe him time. I owe him... nothing. I think I might have to block him. If it is possible. Not cock block, email block, find my profile block, whatever block I can find. And then hope universe isn't going to be cruel enough to make sure our paths will cross in reality. Because that wouldn't be fair.

Enough of stalkers. New Years Eve tomorrow. Celebrated with my three favourite London guys.

Happy New Year to you all. Make lots of new year resolutions and then break them before you knew what hit you.

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas Eve, when the Swedes celebrate. I'm at work, 2.5 hours to go before I'll get into the festive spirit.

Texting family and friends back home, with a bit of heartache for not being there this year.

But next year. If my brothers plans of having a big christmas party in this big big house,

I will book time off and spend all christmas days in Möckelsnäs, Älmhult, Sweden. One of the most beautiful places in the world.

7 hours lost

I'm trying really hard to not think about how I lost 7 hours of my life to traffic queues last night. Trying to go from Farnborough to Maidenhead. A journey that normally takes 40 minutes.

There's nothing normal about it taking 7 hours instead.

When I finally parked outside my friends house, I couldn't believe I was actually at my destination. Or that I was going to be able to step out of my car that had felt more like an enclosed space than a freedom giver for the past 3 hours.

Shattered is not the right word. Not knackered either. But try apathy, tiredness, hunger and no will to live.

I am amazed though that Lexxie didn't give up on me. Even though she had a at times paranoid owner that wondered if the engine was on fire or if it was just the bonnet being way too hot?

If I was of the praying type I would be praying my ass off for it to not happen again tomorrow.

Now. Food. And red wine. The things I didn't have yesterday

The joy of waking up in the freezer

That's what it felt like waking up this morning. At 6.30am. My first thought was

"Oh my devil, it must be -15 outside"

Place one hand on the radiator, which is cold. I look at my mobile. 6.31am. But why isn't the radiator hot?

Ooooohhhh... The boiler isn't working. Again. Great. Do you know what stuff like that does to ones morning temper? I did not feel the love.

No hot water in the tap. Knocked on Mie's door, told her the great news which she kind of knew, since the flat was a freezer.

Tried this and that on the boiler. Nothing. Texted the landlord giving him the splendid news. He said he would come around this morning and have a look.

It's moments like this that I wish I was living in a country where there are no malfunctioning boilers in each flat. OR. In a country where the temperature doesn't go below 10 degrees.

Should I invest in a pyjamas?

What I got from my Secret Santa at work yesterday? Season 1 & 2 of The Inbetweeners. Best christmas gift so far this year. Who will top that one?

The game is on.

Shobben and Shobben

By this time tomorrow my dear friend Erika and her man will have arrived at Gatwick, and we should be back in Teddington.

I can't wait. I feel like bouncing around, do a little dance and stuff.

She's been in my life for 8 years. She's been there through good times and bad times. 18 months ago she was my big rock.

It started as meeting at partys. Then the last festival of the summer 2001, before a lot of things changed, we ran around like mad supergirls, blowing soap bubbles, getting large groups of people to dance Riverdance.

The last night of the festival we were lying on our backs outside the tent, looking at the stars, slightly drunk, chatting and before we saw the neighbours big military tent collapse she said something that I haven't forgotten, because it was so honest and something you don't usually admit to think.

"If I say something stupid, it's only because I'm jealous".

And when all my friends turned the back on me at the same time the leaves started falling from the trees, she was there, and stayed.

She's one of the persons that can drag me to the floor of homesickness. She's one of the persons that can make me think "Fuck all this, I'm too far away, I'm leaving".

Even if months can go by without much contact, talking to or seeing her is like it's only been a few days inbetween, and I know she is always there, and I hope she knows I'm always here.

I won't forget when she called me on my birthday last year, the same weekend that she met her man for the first time, and I've been ever so happy for her that she found her Mr. 

Love you Shobben ;)

Shobben bliss

Two days to go. Thursday evening will be joy, joy, joy.

Erika and her man Tobias arrive at Gatwick 6.55pm. My Shobben and her man Hugh. I can't wait to see her again and have almost 4 days with her. 4 days!

giggity giggity

Stop calling me at work grandma!

Got in at 11. I had my reasons. They were threefold. I don't want kids for 1, 2, 3 years.

Too much texting with people. But less drama than yesterday.

Rain. Yes.

IKEA visit yesterday meant bringing back christmas decorations and food.

I woke up today feeling like I had been out drinking yesterday. The strongest drink I had yesterday was Pepsi at IKEA. Which makes me wonder, was it spiked perhaps?

Work is too quiet today. I have something to do, but I don't want to do it. Like Phoebe:

Joey: Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.


How often are people that honest and say that? Instead of coming up with something like... "I can't, I need to wash my hair" or "I can't, my dog is on fire".

I'm just saying

Pass it on

Even in the late hours of a light hangover amazing things can emerge from my brain.

And this one, I'm extra proud of.

,)

That's a one eyed person winking.

That's a new wink.

Y'all pass it on now, but remember to credit the weird Swede, Karolina.

A new style, a new me

Googled for hair styles. I want a change.

Found this

I want to look like him... Her?

Me - the phone keeper

G gave me her mobile to keep at my desk today.

When the urge to constantly check for messages is nibbling on your insides. When you want a message to say something important, but still good news, so you don't have to feel your stomach sink in a bottomless lake.

She asked an hour later if there were any messages. There weren't. Nice words came back.

I just checked her phone now. She has one new text message. But I'm not going to tell her quite yet, she needs the quiet time.

....

Meeting N for a drink tonight. Looking forward to a catch up with that sweet lady. Tell her about yesterday's feared row, that never happened. Only a discussion that didn't get out of hand happened. But I think we're still alright.

Welcome back

I should say to myself.

What's my excuse? Memory loss. Or the fact that I've got 3 blogs. And just remembered, whilst updating my other ones: Hey, didn't I register one at blogspot?

Bollocks I did. How long ago since my last post? 3 months and almost one more month. Sounds like something you say at those meetings where you sit in a circle or rows and there's a podium with a microphone and you start with your name and ... You know what I mean.

It's almost like starting over again. Square one. Year one. Year zero?

It's like having 3 personalities.

I'm waiting for Deftones' new album. I'm waiting for Yeasayer's new album. Are they here yet?

Tired eyes, blue skies

Blue skies, tired eyes.

Clouds and heavy showers. Last week it was heavy sunshine. 34 centigrades in the office. Not exactly the best temperature to work in.

Went to Amsterdam last weekend to visit Kasia. My first time there. And I fell in love with that city. Amazingly beautiful with it's canals, narrow streets, old houses and yes of course the coffee shops.

It was a really fun weekend spent with an almost stranger, but not so much stranger now. We even got an inside joke now.

Fire.

Oasis on Saturday in London with Jill. Kasabian as one supporting act. Can't wait. Haven't seen Jill in a while.

Mr M called yesterday. A bit of a surprise. But fun. First date got changed from tomorrow to Thursday. Haven't been on a date in a while, the last guy I dated put me off a bit I think.

Here's hoping third time lucky.

Latest from the drug store

For some reason (explain if you have that need) my hay fever today has been worse than any other day. My guess is it's because yesterday was warmer and sunnier. So grass pollen decided to do a good job.

So... I went over to Morrissons on my lunch break and got me some pills. And eye drops. Let's hope the pills are gonna do their thing.

I also think it's about time those hayfever pills producers finds an alternative to lactose as the active ingredient or whatever the purpose lactose has.

I better get on with work. 3 hours left...

One more thing

Forgot to mention that the new guy at work, named Jamie, in the Jamie Oliver team (I love the irony in that sentence) reminds too much of the guy I dated in November last year.

And it's not in a good way.

I called him a terrier in the end.

Evil I know. But I don't care. I'm evil.

Mini Saturday

Some call it Hump Day, I choose to call it Mini Saturday, which is my translation of the Swedish "Lill-lördag".

It's Wednesday. Once again we've all made it to mid-week. Congrats on all of us! You should all grab a friend and make plans for a drink after work. I'm following my own advice on that one.

Friday is almost here. Let's make plans for the weekend. If you haven't since last week or last month already. I'm seeing my sweetheart friend J. She's got war stories to tell me from last weekend. I can't wait to see her and hear them. Then we'll hunt down the Danes in London.

But for now, I'm gonna enjoy this Wednesday even though the weather is gray and giving me a headache.

Peas!

Somewhere out there...

The world of blogs is huge. And I recently started searching for blogs to follow. Haven't gotten very far with that.

I mean, truly follow. Obsessive-feel-unsatified-if-no-new-posts-each-day follow a blog.

So far I've found a few ones that reminds me why I'm not keen on moving back to Stockholm/Sweden.

And my finger hurts. A little bit. I can deal with the pain. It's not taking over my everyday life. But I don't think the nail is gonna fall off. It bent when I tried stopping my very heavy suitcase from tipping forward. I didn't succeed. Feel free to feel sorry for me, cos I think you all know the pain in bending a nail, and not the tip of it, further down. Where you think it couldn't bend.

Are you still with me? I'm not.

Where's my coffee?

Hello again

Ages since my last entry. Something came in between, can't remember what right now.

But we all go round and round. We wake up, work, eat, socialize, hide, run, walk, sleep.

I've been very concerned about a fire the past hour. Could see the smoke come up between the trees, it's gone now. For the first time in about two weeks I haven't got anything to do. That's because I finished the little screw one of my applications had caused. No one asked me what I was working on, I'm amazed by that. I think I got away with the screw up without anyone noticing.

I've started thinking and saying that I'm gonna look for a new job. It's like the boy who cried wolf. I've said so many times now that I should turn the words into action before I look like a complete idiot.

Gave a note with my number on to that good-looking bartender yesterday.

Depeche Mode cancelled this Saturdays London gig. It sucks.

I long for the death of this work day.

A year ago

Just realized that around todays date a year ago my relationship ended. And six months of confusion, sadness, smashed air castles began.

But today, one year later, I'm changed. I'm not that person any longer. I managed to grow out of her. I took back the control. My world grew bigger.

Had a girl powering discussion yesterday with L. Just the kind of ventilation I needed.

I realized that it's going to feel empty when both L and J have left London.

6 days to go

The VETO gig is almost within reach. Halleluja.

The sun is shining and it's all good.

It's spring in England and winter in Sweden.

music bliss

I was watching Skins last night. Half dead. But a few songs managed to reach through my fuzzy feeling brain and glue themselves there.

And I found a few of them on Spotify, so freshness was added to my for the moment only playlist. Which contains mostly scattered tracks from different artists that has caught my ear.

So newly found ear candy is Maps and Florence & the Machine

- happiness, hit her like a train on a track -

Thursday bla-bla-bla

Another day with overtime today. Yesterday I went to the gym when I got home, around 9pm. Felt good with 30 minutes of exercise instead of crawling straight into bed.

Friday tomorrow. Maybe drinks with Barbara and her boyfriend. London on Saturday with Dave, having dinner at Yo! Sushi. Can't wait. Looking through the menu on the web site makes me drool allover the keyboard.

Obsessed with the latest album from Tiger Lou - A Partial Print. Can't listen to anything else right now. I wish VETO had released a new album as well. I'll dedicate all next week to them, in preparation for their gig at Bar Rumba. I'm hoping sweet Jill will come with me. But I'll at least see her on Tuesday, for the St Patricks Day celebration at the Earl of Camden.

Barry had an interesting way of labelling a music artist mainstream yesterday. Because System of a down have had a few singles on US Top Something they we're mainstream. Maybe I should send him a link that explains the word mainstream to him. And to go by his example makes his favourites Children of Bodom mainstream as well, as they've had singles and albums on charts. He annoys me.
Mainstream in my definition is something that is generally liked by the world/society/people. But I guess mainstream means different things to everyone.

Oh well. Back to work.

Ta-ta

The death of the week

In other words Friday and two weeks since my last update. I guess I got caught in the swirl wind called working overtime and then I had sweet friends from Sweden on visit last weekend. Live music at the Boileroom, shopping in Camden, beer drinking and lots and lots of laughing and love.

Shame they had to go back on Monday.

Two concerts coming up in London. First one, Jose Gonzalez. I stumbled upon the site bandsintown.com and discovered that he's doing a show in April. As soon as I realized it was true, I sent a text to Dave and ten minutes or so later, two tickets had been purchased. I then discovered that another favourite band, Veto, is doing a couple of shows in London this month. And I couldn't once again believe my eyes. But yes, oh yes, it was true. So now I'm just trying to find people to come with me. This chance can not be missed. I wouldn't forgive myself.

So great concerts to look forward to each coming month. Veto in March. Jose in April. Depeche Mode in May. I've moved up to Cloud No9.

Come join me!

Within reach

Friday tomorrow. Another week of work is coming to an end. And a weekend that always feels to short begins.

A day filled with laughing fits with my dirty sense of humour at it's peak. Entertaining myself the most, but the guys too.

Next Thursday I'm picking up two of my beloved friends from Sweden. I can't wait to spend a whole weekend with them.

Dave's forbid me to refer to any Friends episode or Anchorman for three working days. It's not easy.

The gym tomorrow. Getting up at 04:55. True commitment.

It's oh so quiet...

...in the office when Paul isn't here. And he's off for at least a week and a half, cos his gonna be a father any day now.

No moaning, no death beating of his keyboard, no phone calls every 10 minutes, no mobile phone calls every 15 minutes.

Silence.

And he's the manager, so a bit of a more relaxed atmosphere.

Silence. Calm.

Enjoy the silence by Depeche Mode should be the theme song for the time he's off.

What does this sound like to non-British?

Still on the Swedish dansband theme. Arvingarna was the next song on the playlist. And I'm still fascinated by how the music sounds.

Arvingarna - Eloise

I used to hate this kind of music, but now I'm approaching it with curiosity, fascination, thinking it's not that bad to listen too when I'm bored. Or it's just an age thing. I'll let you know as soon as I find out the reason.

But at least music curiosity did not kill the cat.

Swedish tunes in the office

Feeling afternoon tired and frustrated at Dave still not being in the office, and by still not being here, forcing me to stay late tonight again. Felt bored of the music on my iPod, but decided to play the playlist with Swedish folk music (=dansband). It's cheesy and catchy and easy to listen to.



But the mix of listening to Swedish lyrics (and in general a music genre that's very Swedish) when I'm surrounded by British is a bit weird. And I almost expect them to speak Swedish to me, that it's just an English speaking visitor in the office, that's why everyone's speaking English.

Aaatchooo. Bless you. Thank you.

Feel good feelings

Thursday night out in London was a lot of fun. Hanging out with people I've only known for about three or four months. Laughing. Dancing. Talking. Drinking too much. Meeting new people. Both Swedish and British. Expanding my network. Trying to fill the voids my friends back in Sweden create.
I'm not entirely alone. What sucks is that they all live up in London. Sometimes Guildford seems thousand miles away. If only the trains didn't stop running already at midnight.
I long for the planning a trip to Copenhagen and the road trips in my car with Linnea and Jill.

It's all good

All giggles and butterflies

I'm feeling like a 14 year old girl today. All giggly and filled with excitement. It's Dans birthday party in London tonight and a special yummy someone is going to be there. I'm almost a bit nervous, wondering what it's going to be like to see him again.

The office is freezing as usual. It will have warmed up around lunch time.

Six hours till home time. Eight hours till party time. I'm game. Rock n roll

Weather forecast obsession

I will punch Mother Nature in the baby makers if she allows a heavy snow fall tonight.

Seriously I will. Because I don't need a thick layer of snow tomorrow. I'm flying to Frankfurt for the weekend tomorrow night. And I really want to go. And I really don't want my flight to be delayed or cancelled.

Because of this I've developed an obsession with checking the weather forecast on metoffice.co.uk. Even though it makes me nervous. I better start working on some positive thinking. Some pep talk. Convince Mother Nature to be a good girl.

I loved the 30 cm layer of snow that greeted us all on Monday morning. And after a few hours of "try-to-get-to-work-byt-failed" with the train I enjoyed it to the fullest. Building a snow man and having a snow ball fight and a snow day was heaven. I made a snow angel too. Next to my snowed-in car.

My sweet car that I bought on Saturday. Her name is Rose. But I couldn't drive to work till yesterday. And Englands infrastructure is still suffering and I'm begging you please, Mother Nature, don't let it snow tonight!

I'll do anything for you

Sober and irrelevant

It's not the title of my Tuesday morning. But it was the song I chose to play when I got off the train this chilly end of January morning.

Sober and irrelevant with In Flames. The effect on my brain was like a punch in the stomach and I was wide awake. Well, as wide awake as I can be before my first dose of caffeine.

It's a good song. I love the title.

I have to start putting playlists together to have in my car. Coz I'm getting a car this week! A proper Dear Diary moment. I've been thinking of suitable names for this sweetie. Hey, maybe sweetie would be a good name. Or baby cakes. Sweet cheeks. Honey pie. I thought of Betty, but since one of my friends back in Sweden named her daughter Betty, it feels not quite right and not as fun anymore.

Oh, discovered yesterday that one of my best friends in high school and college had a son in December last year. It felt very distant. But being on the 27th year, I guess more and more of old school mates in serious relationships are gonna become parents. The path of life. And the single ones are either gonna wish they we're on the same path or think that they would be lost on that path. I'm probably part of the latter ones. Not even sure I want to have kids at all, but that doesn't seem quite allowed to feel as a woman. As a woman I'm supposed to want kids, and like kids. But you won't see me run up to other people's kids and cuddle them and talk baby language with them. That's not me. But I'm very aware that this might change when/if my life starts looking different to what it looks like today.

A dog on the other hand. Yes, please. I would make sacrifices for a dog.

No place like home

So I've been staying at my sisters place since last Sunday when they've been in Jamaica. They went on their own, like a second honeymoon so I've been living with my niece. And the dog, Pysen. And the horses. It's all been going really good. I mean, she's 13, she's not that difficult to take care of.

My sister and her husband were supposed to come home today. Supposed to. She called yesterday saying they wouldn't be able to go home because their plane had had to do an emergency landing on the way to Jamaica. But they would hopefully leave within 24 hours. So another night in Send. Another day with the car. But I had been looking forward to come back home to my room and my bed. To sleep alone and have some alone time. A few days of me time before I spend the weekend in London. I'm hoping they will leave today. Although I'm not very keen on going back travelling via trains to work again. Driving to work has been heaven, even if it took me one hour again yesterday because of the rain. But Adam might be my knight in shining armour. He told me his brother is selling his Ford Fiesta for £500. That would be a dream come true if I could buy that one.

I'm on my 25th day without nicotine. 25 days without snus. Yesterday I didn't handle it too well. But I was oh so happy that I'm living in the UK where I can't just go down to the store and buy some. But my body was really struggling with itself. Left claw marks everywhere. Tore down furniture, threw glass, everything in reach. I better stop talking about it coz it's making me want it really bad. My mind is crowded enough these days.

Dave asked me last week if I was ok. I felt ok. But apparentely my face/body language was saying something else. Don't know what. But I know I've had a lot of stuff on my mind the last week or two. Maybe since Christmas/New Years even. I don't know really where to put it either. I want a few days on my own, just me. Soon. Hopefully.

I better get back to work now.

ta-ta

Bring on the weekend

I've been in the office for about one hour. So far I've only opened up the applications I need, and about ten minutes ago, I remembered what I was working on when I left yesterday.

You should see me on a Monday morning. As I'm trying to flirt my brain awake with coffee (but it's instant coffee, and that's not real coffee), I'm going back to Friday in my memory to find out what I was working on before the weekend. This happens pretty much every week, and I still haven't started writing down on Fridays what I've done during the week. But I'm quite happy with this, because it means I don't bring the work home with me. When I leave the office, the work stays inside. It sees me go away, and it waves, hoping I will look back and wave too. But I don't. Because I 'm back the morning after. Downing poor instant coffee, feeling that it doesn't contain as much caffeine as real coffee.

Joey: You know how Monica feels about low fat mayonnaise?
Monica: It's not mayonnaise!
- The one that could have been, Friends

A few artists later

I don't know if Metallica did the trick with soothing my itching soul. But it feels a little less restless inside. But not much really.

And this restlessness has made me not do so much work today. I think I can safely but not very proudly say that I've done almost nothing today. I've done so little I don't even remember it.

But the project I'm on is just so mind numbingly boring. And I'm so near the finish line I can almost lick it.

Tonight I need to update my iPod with some more music.

Adam is the apple of my eye at work. I would go under with boredom without him in the office.

30 more minutes before I follow the lady's voice home.

The soundtrack of me. Today. 11am-ish.

I'm trying to put together the soundtrack of today. The soundtrack that would reflect what I am today.

You know how you some days listen to lots of songs, and yet none of them manages to sooth the scratching sensation in your soul? No? Well that's a good explanation of how I feel some days. Those days no music I have is good enough. I can't find the relief of tension that I look for in the guitar solos, drums and lyrics. It makes me frickin frustrated.

I have a day like that today. Right now I'm trying out Metallica. A shuffle of the songs on Black Album, Master of Puppets, Load, Reload. Some songs come close to put a smoothing coating on me, but it's quickly replaced with... grains of sand? That scratches the surface. It's fuckin annoying.

I think I may have a little of that ever so lovely pms. The hormonal bitch that makes you question pretty much everything. That makes nothing seem right. That makes you feel things you don't really want to feel. But you know chocolate would satisfy that bitch. At least for 15 minutes or so.

Today I wish I was somewhere else. Maybe Somewhere Else on Koh Lanta. Or Koh Chang. I thought of Lion. That wonderful Cambodian-people-disliking dog. And Me. The chubby stubborn dog. Who just wanted someone to cuddle him. And I did. And he adopted me and Markus. Slept outside our bungalow. Got in trouble when he followed us into other dogs territories. Came looking for me when I sat on the beach night time.
Me, I miss you. I hope you're still sleeping outside Seven Eleven and chasing King Kong off the road.

The hunt for the perfect music continues.